ANNOUNCEMENT!

Julian is no longer posting and this blog is retro game only now

Double Dragon

   This....... Game........ Sucks! Double Dragon is the vomit of fighting games. I know what your thinking "this is Double Dragon!", it was ok for its 2 second life span, but its just a button masher, nothing hard. On the first level (I know i allways pick on the first level, but bare with me), there are women with whips....... Remind you of anything? Perhaps on the streets of any big city? Well, the story line is simple, Guy beat up girl, you save girl..... let me stop right there. A ruffian beats up and kiddnaps an exeptionally pretty girl..... Theres one word for that, and that word is PERVERT! The first boss is this musceled turd, and the only way to beat this turd is to send it into a pit. Why does the first boss look like a turd? The second boss can't look as pathetic, now can it? It's one of those whip wielding women, with only pants on. This game was good for forever alones, but not people with lives like you and me. Well, I'm not talking about this anymore, so untill next time my nerd army.

Heres the link to this ummm.... Game? http://www.nesforever.com/games/51/double-dragon.html

Mario Bros. 2

   YES, NO MORE TORTURE! Super Mario Bros. is on of the stranges Mario games because you can play as the Princess Peach! I know this sounds awesome -and it is- but she is weak. Normaly I pick Toad beacause he picks up weapons fastest, runs fastest, and has low jump power. I know that low jump power sounds good, but high jumps are so slow and you cant aim properly. The story line to the game is Mario and friends go for a picnic and come across a cave and enter. Once they enter, they hear voices and they enter a portal into a new world. The first level is a basic plains area with genaric shy-guys. Well, I'm done with this review so until next time my nerd army, until next time.

The link to the emulator-site is http://www.nesforever.com/games/9/super-mario-bros-2.html. Have fun Nerd Army! I will  be reviewing Pokemon Blue.

ANNOUNCEMENT

  This is one of your only chances to say what game I play. There is a poll on the right hand side of your screen, vote now!

Castlvania

DEAR GOD NO! So I was watching AVGN do his Castlvania review and made me want to do my own. The first level is easy but then you fight the boss. You have to win. This is disgusting because the boss is a bat and it can't be hit with your whip, holy water, or anything else. So if you beat the bat, I tip my hat to you for you are a God among gamers. The basic enemies are obvious: ghosts, hounds, bats, and hunchbacks. WHY IN THE NAME OF GAMES WHOULD THE HUNCHBACKS BE SO DAM FAST!? Sorry but I don't know anymore about it so until next time nerd army, until next time.

The link to the AVGN review is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hfo6hoN0PUw. The link to the emulator is http://www.nesforever.com/games/883/castlevania-1.html Enjoy! I will be reviewing Super Mario 2

Legend of Zelda OoT

  YES, NO LJN GARBAGE! Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time is obviously the best video game there is. Before you start, don't say Oot is a 3DS game, it's a Nintendo64 classic, and for the first time ever no emulators. So it starts off inocently enough with a Kokri (elf child) that dosn't have a fairy. The great Deku Tree is the guardian spirit of the Kokri and he is speaking to a fairy about you, about how she will be your fairy. To start the game, you have to find a sword which you find in a secret tunnel and you have to get the shield (you buy that) in order to pass Mido. Once you aquire the items, you go to the Deku Tree and go inside him. Trust me, it's an awesome dungeon with a spider boss. After beating the boss, Ghoma, the Deku Tree gives you the Kokri Emerald and dies, so sad. When you get to the village, Mido comes up to you and says you killed the Deku Tree, so you leave the village. Once you leave, your stalker meets you and wastes time with things you already knew like "You need to se Zelda wah wah wah wah wah wah wah.....". So you cross the country and half way you notice a farm. ENTER THE FARM!!!!!!!!!! If you follow my advice, go to the silo, move boxes, and enter the creaves. In there you see a heart. So once you go to the Castle Town, go to the castle to find Zelda. Zelda will tell you about the history of Hyrule and what you need to do. Sorry I can't tell you any more or I'll ruin the story line, so until next time my nerd army, until next time.

No link for non-emulators. I will be reviewing Casilvania.

Top Gun

L.J.N. IS HORRIBLE! Okay, I know what your thinking, "This is Top Gun your talking about!" Yeah... About that, all movies that aren't bad are turned into games (by L.J.N.) that are worse than those educational games where you kill nothing at all. I mean what's the point of making a decent movie into a steaming pile of garbage? The first level is straight forward: shoot enemy planes, avoid bombers, and don't get killed. Well that last part was impossible because there is no way to avoid the missile from the equal of the Red Baron, so few pass! and if you are Billy Bishop, you have to land and that is not going to happen! I know that I've not been posting and you can blame Top Gun, 'The finest garbage game ever!' Well I hope you enjoyed  reading this as much as I swore (a lot) playing this vomit so until next time my nerd army, until next time.

The link to this filth is http://www.nesforever.com/games/865/top-gun-1.html

Avoid at all costs. I will be reviewing Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time

Friday the 13th

   DEAR GOD WHY! So I'm on nesforever.com playing Friday the 13th and I quickly see that it is horrible beond belief. So you play as one of three charecters and you run around, killing zombies, and light fireplaces with a lighter thats rarer that a mint-condition NES. The houses are confusing but it's imposible to light the fireplaces out of them. You first weapon, a rock is as good as throwing a feather and it arches over the enemies head and off the screen. I'm running around, don't know where to go and a zombie pops up, and I kill him. He drops a knife. A decent weapon. WHY! I HAVE BEEN PLAYING FOR HOURS AND I ONLY USED THE ROCK! This is a bad game and no wonder it's bad, it's made by LJN! LJN has no gold at the end their rainbow! So until next time my nerd army, until next time.

There will be no link for LJN games.

I will be reviewing Top Gun.

DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS!!!!

   FINALLY! So I was playing Dungeons And Dragons on my computer the other day and I was thinking "It would be so cool to play an NES version.". Turns out, there is! The one I played was 'Dragon Strike' and it rules the world of nerds! In the first menu screen, you pick what dragon you are, and I chose Silver Dragon. So you go around shooting people and other dragons with your fire balls. Typical power. This game is so boss because this is the first time in D&D that you play as a dragon and not slaying them. Sorry this isn't much of a post, but, until next time my nerd army, next time.

The game link is http://www.nesforever.com/games/668/adv-dungeons-dragons-dragon-strike.html I suggest you play it. I will be reviewing Friday the 13th.

Dr. Jekkyl and Mr. Hyde

   Dr. Jekkyl and Mr. Hyde is one of the WORST games you can play. I know there was a movie but since I didn't watch it, there is no comparision in this review. I know that the game starts of like legend of zelda but all you do is walk. The speed you walk at is terribly slow, you walk slower than a snail on Pluto, covered in salt! The people are so ghetto because they walk as fast as Sonic, and the guys in pink suits are killing you with BOMBS! The only weapon Dr. Jekkyl has is a cane, but it does NOTHING! The only time you play as Mr. Hyde is when Dr. Jekkyl dies, and that is every two minutes. All in all, I will never beat it or pass the first level. Until next time my nerd army, until next time.

Why did Nintendo let LJN make any games? No link today!\

I will be reviewing Advanced Dungeons and Dragons: Dragonstrike